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Low-budget exploitation master Fred Olen Ray's "daikaiju" epic, Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds, is exactly what you would expect it to be -- politically unsound, artistically inexcusable and (if you're in the right mood) a fair amount of genre-based comedic fun. Ray is, of course, responsible for many such films, including the accurately titled Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. So what did you expect?

Plot: three centerfold chicks for Plaything magazine are in competition for Plaything of the Year, and visit the sleazy magazine owner's mansion for a final photo shoot and judging. "Angel" (J.J. North, the blonde with the biggest tits) is the main character -- sweet and innocent. The brunette, however, is bitchy and manipulative. Suddenly overcome with insecurity thanks to the brunette's calculated insults, Angel takes an overdose of the special "beauty-enhancing" drug supplied by a research scientist (who, in a parallel plot-line, is trying to deal with a giant rat -- the result of too much experimentation with the said drug -- running rampant in his lab). Naturally it is not just Angel's boobs that grow bigger. After their initial surprise, the magazine owner and his even-sleazier photographer decide to exploit Angel rather than help her get back to normal. But the brunette, jealous of her rival's spectacular fleshiness, steals the drug supply and ends up giant-size herself. The two giant centerfolds scrag-fight through the streets of LA, until the photographer's assistant (a nice guy, who of course loves Angel from afar) fetches the scientist and they shrink the girls back to "normal" using a convenient and unrationalised gas-gun.

Main features: Lots of naked flesh, especially breasts. The film begins (after an amusing mock-horror sequence) with the girls posing in various states of undress for a photo shoot and takes its sweet time getting on with the story.

SFX: Very low budget, but, surprisingly, not too bad. It's all done with superimposition. No model buildings were injured in the making of this film. The actors have problems with line-of-sight between Big Chick and Small Guy. The giant rat is ... um... strange.

Worst groan-worthy moment: People running in panic through the streets. One guy, however, reacts with shock, points and yells: "Look at the size of those knockers!" [or something equally Shakespearean]

Kaiju Eiga references: Fred indulges his obvious interest in kaiju eiga and other giant monster films with a few verbal and visual allusions. At one point gigantic Angel moans: "I look like Godzilla!" and the guy replies, "But you're much cuter!" At another point 60-foot Angel goes wandering through the countryside and comes to some high-tension electrical towers ala a similar scene in Gojira. She doesn't wreck them, however, just looks at them for a moment as though considering doing so, and then moves on. Also there's an amusing cameo by Russ Tamblyn (who was in Furankenshutain no kaiju: Sanda tai Gaira aka War of the Gargantua). In the coda, a woman in a supermarket queue picks up The Enquirer and remarks to her friend, "Would you believe this?" There is a picture of Angel and her huge rival fighting in the streets with a headline that reads: "War of the Colossal Centerfolds" -- an apparent reference to War of the Colossal Beast (the 1958 sequel to The Amazing Colossal Man, in which a 60-foot man escapes from captivity and goes on a rampage through the streets of LA). Declaring "What will they think of next?", the woman throws down the newspaper which opens at another headline that reads "Eight Foot Rat Terrorizes Beverly Hills" (though in the accompanying picture the giant rat towers over the buildings and couldn't possibly be only 8 feet high!)

Verdict: Pretty much what you'd expect -- pure sexploitation with a heavy dose of daikaiju referencing -- though much slicker than it might have been. Like many of these low-budget genre comedies, however, the pacing is wrong ... too slow, too unfocused ... and often misses the best jokes. But if you don't come to it expecting Citizen Kane, you'll only occasionally wonder whether you should have stuck to Godzilla vs Barbie instead.*

 

 

Note: The DVD case gives the title as Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (singular), as does Joe Kane's The Phantom of the Movies' Videoscope and the Internet Movie Database. However, the film's own title card reads Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds (plural). As there are two of them (and the best monster sequence is the scrag fight through LA), I've gone with that one.

Note 2: Naturally there is a cameo by Forry Ackerman, in this instance posing as a Bela Lugosi statue.

* Unfortunately Godzilla vs Barbie doesn't really exist, in case you were wondering.

ATTACK OF THE 60 FOOT CENTERFOLDS

(see note below on pluralisation of the title)

Year of release: 1995

Duration: 83 mins

English Language

Colour

Aspect Ratio: 4:3

An American Independent Production

Presented by Roger Corman (through New Horizons)

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Producer: Fred Olen Ray

Executive Producer: Mike Elliot

Written by : Steve Armogida

Director of Photography: Gary Graver

SFX supervisor: Steve Barkett

Digital Effects designed by Fred Olen Ray

Editor: Peter Miller

Music: Jeffrey Walton

Cast
J.J. North
John LaZar
Ted Monte
Raelyn Saalman
Tammy Parks
Tim Abell
Jay Richardson
Russ Tamlyn
Tommy Kirk
Ross Hagen
Stanley Livingston
Michelle Bauer
George Stover

Rating: 5/10

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copyright©Robert Hood 2004

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